I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
