Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
