I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
