please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
