She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
