good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
