Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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