girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
