I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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