it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
