This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
