you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
