How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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