I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
