Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
