I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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