Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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