U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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