The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
