Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
