I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
