He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How does it feel to date your dad?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
