she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
