mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
