My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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