I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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