T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
