not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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