weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Drake has all the answers
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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