I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
where does the pee come out of this thing
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
