In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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