Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
