I'm jealous of your bromance
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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