Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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