Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
should my penis look like a turkey
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
