if you like me you must not know who I am
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
