Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
