why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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