You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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