I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
