How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
