gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Never underestimate the power of titties
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
