so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
