Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
