before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
