The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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