he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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