I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
