The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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