just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
