I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
